Old Remo Road
or When I Was Abandoned For a Bear

1998: Hyder, AK

My parents abandoned me, again, this time to go viewing bears. They admitted that they stood in the pouring rain seven to ten hours a day for a solid week waiting for some stupid bear to flounder down the creek and fall on a moribund fish. My parents literally don't have the sense to come in out of the rain.

I waited anxiously for their return. Day after day, the only one who came was the hated housekeeper from hell. Finally, they reappeared. I just knew they'd brought me a splendid gift to compensate for my agonizing over their absence. You won't believe what they brought me, I still don't believe it. It was this photo of a road sign. My road sign I was thunderstruck! I've never been so insulted in my life. I don't mind having a road named after me, but I do mind the adjective 'old'. The town fathers could have named it Virile Remo Road or Handsome Remo Road. I'd even accept Erudite Remo Road, but I ask you, OLD Remo Road?

My day got worse. They showed me 310 pictures of bears. The other two shots were of the road sign. If you've seen one bear, you've seen them all as far as I'm concerned.

1999

I never should have ridiculed the Hyder, Alaska bear pictures. Abondoning me, my parents, determined to do better, trudged to Brooks Camp in Katmai National Park, Alaska. They limped home with 8 hours of video of bears catching fish. Worse, they said I had to watch all 8 hours and a quiz would be given at the end. The results of the quiz would be directly related to the quality and quantity of my dinner. I lost 2 pounds before my mother made me some flash cards to study. These are they:
Mama Bear
Mama Bear 		Baby Bear
Baby Bear
Papa Bear
Papa Bear 		Teen-Age Bear
Teen-Age Bear
Lovelorn Bear
Lovelorn (for Mama) Bear 		Aunt & Cousin
Aunt & Cousin Bear
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